I was very proud to have had my own (now graduated) children attend the school where I work. They had a wonderful education that was of intrinsic value at the time, and that also set them up well for later life. As well as being taught by caring, committed and in many cases inspirational teachers (they still talk about them), they were surrounded by an extraordinary cohort of peers, which is important because peers are as important as parents for influence (at least in Middle and High School). They were taught to balance high ambitions for themselves with broader concern for others, and they developed the intellectual insight to understand that the two are not actually so different. I saw my children’s values being shaped; their minds and bodies being stretched. So a great environment?
Yes, for sure. But there is also a loss, at least for some students. It’s one that I have seen in numerous instances and other parents have confirmed it, and it leads to a really important message for our community and for us as a society.
The loss can be that a perfectly good student, surrounded by a large number of other highly capable and driven peers, will feel like an under-achiever, or worse, a failure. And it’s understandable really – the cognitive shortcut we humans use to answer how am I doing? is how am I doing compared to people I know? rather than how am I doing compared to reasonable standards? Experience tells me that our students tend to go on to do very well – but they don’t feel that way here when looking around themselves.

Of course for adults, we know what that means – we tend to compare our jobs, salaries and status to other around us, forgetting that globally we all have far greater good fortune than the majority of the world. We should know better – but for many of our students, all they have is the reference point of school, so it’s hardly surprising they use it. For some, this comparison means that the standards are so absurdly high that what would have been very good or excellent in some previous schools is now average or lower. The situation is not helped by what can be an unhealthy focus on Oxbridge or Ivy League Colleges as the only valuable post-school destinations (just for the record: they are not).
The knock-on consequences of this are many and well documented; shallower learning; a lack of joy in school and further afield; a narrowing of intellectual curiosity; poor sleep habits; low self-esteem; mental health issues. In extreme cases, students can lose their way completely.

What is the answer? Well, we need to recognise that there are broader social and cultural themes here, and understand that students pick up all the messages from school, peers, home, and more widely. Simply discussing these matters with our children, and altering them to the dangers has to be a good start. For our part, we are seeking to mitigate the risk through a focus on learning, growth and development; on effort and approaches to learning as well as raw attainment; and through an emphasis on criteria for success rather than on rankings.
The truth, however, is that none of this will work if we push students for top grades as the only measure of success, if our demands for maximum commitment are unremitting; if we insist students get tutoring just to keep up with the (perceived) competition; and if we constantly praise ‘smartness’ or ‘talent’ for its own sake. The well-known quote in the graphic above is, for me, profound; this is the kind of language we should be using. While require no talent, far from being against talent, these are the kinds of qualities that will create it and nurture it to grow, rather than simply label it. And once created, these are the qualities that will ensure talent is put to good use, for the betterment of all, and not just used as a trophy. These are the qualities that should be the staples of our conversations with students.
1 Response
Thanks Nick! So well articulated as always.